It's Time

Well friends and family members that don't know yet....it's time. Time to tell you that we are expecting! We found out a while ago but have waited to announce it to the world until now- we are 15 weeks along and the due date is April 27, 2011. (This picture was taken at 8 weeks).

I have mixed feelings about announcing this to everyone because I know how hard it is to be on the other end of things- to not be pregnant and want to be and then read about friends who are. It's so hard. And to those of you who are in that position my heart goes out to you and you are in my prayers every day because I know what it feels like to want nothing more than to be a mom but unable to be one or to finally become pregnant and then lose that sweet life inside you. So, to my dear friends in that position- I want you to know that I love you and think about you every day and pray for you that you may soon become pregnant too. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't think about how thankful I am to finally be pregnant again and when I don't think about others that aren't. My heart goes out to you and I hope that through my blog posts I can be sensitive enough yet informative enough to those who read.

With that being said, I should give you all an update about the past 15+ weeks. It's been really hard to enjoy them because of school. I am in my last semester doing my student teaching and it is consuming my life! I really shouldn't even be blogging right now because I have so much to do but I wanted to take a break from homework. One thing is for sure though- I have gained a greater appreciation for teachers everywhere- Special Ed. and Regular Ed. because, MAN! The school day is LONG and tiring! That's the hardest part- the long days and then homework and work on top of that, but mostly the long day spent at school. I don't know how teachers do it year after year. I am barely making it through 3.5 months.

So why did I go into education you ask if I can barely handle a full school day? Because I love working with people with disabilities and would like to get my masters someday to work for a behavior clinic or something of that sort. Full time teaching is not for me though- not for right now anyways. Maybe when I am 40 and have nothing else to do =). I could do part time though if I had to but full time is just so tiresome! So, there you have it. That is my confession- everything I have worked for for the past 6 years I may never use (unless I get my masters which I am serious about) BUT there is an upside to all of this. If I ever start a dance studio for people with disabilities I will have my bachelors in Special Education and then that will make me look more like a credible dance teacher to people with disabilities. I won't be just some girl off the street with no experience that decided she wanted to teach dance to people with disabilities. I will be some girl off the street WITH experience AND a bachelors degree in Special Ed. that decided she wanted to teach dance to people with disabilities. It makes it seem a little more credible, don't ya think?

Any who, there you have it... and thinking of that always makes me feel better when I ask myself everyday "why did I even go to college in the first place?". Well my friends, that is why- to make me more credible when I start a dance studio for people with disabilities and because I wanted to accomplish something that I didn't even think I could do. Holy crap, I did it. I have (almost have) graduated from college. That is an amazing feet if you knew what I was like in high school. I was so against college. So here I am..first generation college grad and the biggest

thing I've learned from it all is that I can do hard things. And if that small lesson is all I went to college to learn then I would still be satisfied with myself. I've learned I can do hard things....with the help of my Heavenly Father. I cannot take all of the credit-if any. The other thing I have learned through this whole experience, especially with the demands of student teaching, is that if I ask my Heavenly Father for help, He will help me accomplish those hard things. I have a firm testimony that the only way that I have gotten up every day and have been on time (give or take 5 min.) to school is because I pray and ask Heavenly Father to just help me get through one more day...and then another...and then another. It is only because of Him that I have gotten this far and I am so grateful. I know that if it wasn't for Him I would have failed a long time ago.

So...these past 15 weeks have been hard. I have been sick and exhausted from being pregnant and then add student teaching on top of that with work and homework and it's been tough. But like I said, I am getting by and I am just so grateful to almost be done and I'm ready for the next exciting chapter in my life. I am overjoyed at the fact that I finally get to be a mother and yet scared to death because there are so many things about me that have been neglected because of school and I hope that I can improve those things about myself once school is over. For example (this should make many of you feel good about yourself): I don't read my scriptures, I don't exercise, I don't eat great, our house is a dump, I'm really self-centered, etc. etc. etc. The list could go on and on. There is a lot that I have had to put on hold because of student teaching and I've had to face the fact that I just can't do everything I would like to right now. My grandma always says "there is a time and a season for everything" and I'm hoping that once this season is over with (student teaching), I can move onto the next season (preparing to be a good mother). I will let you know how that goes when I get there but for now, I just have to take one day at a time.

As for the past 15 weeks of being pregnant, they have been great. I was sick up until week 12, which I expected, but I have a lot of food aversions and have a hard time eating things I loved before. That part isn't so fun but I still manage to at least eat and I consider that as an accomplishment. Lately I have been feeling really great and we are getting antsy to find out what we are having- only a couple more weeks left! I have a hunch that it is a boy, however, for certain reasons I don't have time to share but my guess is that it is a boy. It would be so much fun to have a mini Kyle. That thought makes my heart soar. It would also be just as much fun to have a little Kaitlyn too. Whatever the sex, I don't care what it is, just as long as he/she is healthy and that he/she comes. That's all I care about.

The hardest thing about being pregnant is the fear that I will lose this child. I have dreams sometimes and close to panic attacks sometimes where I will have to call the doctor just so I can go in and hear the heartbeat. I haven't heard the heartbeat in a while so I am getting to be at that stage again where I am panicky and anxious. It is hard not knowing if it is still alive or not when you can't feel it move or when your belly isn't getting any rounder. My next doctors appointment is on the 14th so I am counting down to those days. My biggest fear is getting in there and having them not find the heartbeat but I am trying to stay positive and hopeful and not stressed. That is the hardest thing about pregnancy for me- the fear that I will lose this child. Bring on the stretch marks, the weight gain, the constipation, the hormones, the pain of the delivery, and everything else that comes with being pregnant! If that is all I have to go through to bring a child into this world then I will happily do it over and over again just as long as they get here safe. That is something I wish I would have learned when I was younger. Being pregnant is beautiful and women are so lucky to be the ones that bring children into this world. I am so grateful that I am a woman and that I have this opportunity. So please keep Kyle and I and our little one in your prayers and I will keep you updated on our progress. I will post belly photos when I get around to it but here are some other ones to keep you satisfied until then.

Here is a video of our first ultrasound. I thought I was 10 weeks along but I was only 8 weeks when this was taken. You can see the outline of our little peanut and even though it wasn't much at the time, it is even bigger now! I can't wait to see arms and legs and him/her moving at the next ultrasound! This was one of the happiest days of our lives.

These next pictures are just of us at Halloween. We dressed up as the "Things" from the Dr. Suess book Cat in the Hat. Kyle was "Thing 1", I was "Thing 2", my belly was "Thing 3", and Sammy was "Thing 4".

Sammy was the cutest and a hit when people knocked on our door. Everybody laughed and loved her (how could you not!). She is the cutest dog and even though she didn't like it, she left the wig on the whole night (I'm cruel, I know).

She has been such a great little companion to Kyle and I and will make a great companion to our new little addition in April.

Quick story and then I will end this post. So, I was watching my nephews a couple of months ago and giving them a bath and Sammy (my dog) was just hanging around like she always does. I gave my nephews a bath and got the littlest one out to get him dressed and ready. He is only about 1 years old. So, I got him out and dressed and set him on the floor just outside the bathroom to sit and play while I went and finished up with the other, older nephew in the tub. Well, when I went to go check on the little nephew he was still sitting and playing on the floor but my dog, Sammy decided that she was supposed to be the watchdog over him. She was sitting right in front of him, just watching him and making sure he didn't go anywhere. I didn't even tell her to do that. It was adorable. She is going to make a great helper for when this new baby comes. She is gentle and quiet and sensitive to what is going on around her. She has helped me through a lot and I love my dog Sammy. =)

Anywho, that is my story. Have a great day! Until next time- Kaitlyn, Kyle, Sammy, and baby Shelley